However, the one thing that has been consistent is that I have been running. Mainly because when the thing that happened happened, I was in the middle of marathon training. And it's the one thing I never stopped.
I still have two fall races that aren't canceled. One I'm bailing on because an island is calling my name and it's my new yearly tradition. I tried to make a tradition with SOMEONE before and they weren't having it, grateful I have friends who are into them. And the other one, I'm not quite sure what I'm doing. I want to race but I also had a massive time goal that I don't think I'll come close to. I'm working with Coach Jessica to figure out what we'll decide on. My speed work is going well so we need to work on stamina for runs 8+ miles.
Another reason we're making big goals? Because my heart hurts so incredibly bad so we're trying to distract the pain. I can't even describe the amount of pain I feel knowing their living out the life I thought we'd have together. Once, I even suggested adopting a kitten so Lily could have a friend, and I could get my own kitten. Lo and behold, guess what they got? It is gut-wrenching between the vacations, hiking spots, animals, apartment, etc, to know that she's doing everything we've done, discussed or I was hoping for. She is the love of his life, and he is the love of mine, but it's no secret that I never win. Maybe in my next life. My saving grace (or I fucking hope)? Neither of them has access to know what ring I wanted even though I did share a color once,
Which is why creating these big goals gives me a win. Because if I train for this time, then hopefully I'll come close, which is a PR, and that is a win.
This week has been filled with a shit ton of tears and pain. On to the next.
XO,
Lynette
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