One of the things I've come to terms with is that despite the pain, sadness, anger, and grief that is still ever-present (and let's get real - none of it is ever going away), is that it's OK to smile just a teensy bit and enjoy a thing or two even when that's your new normal. The good thing is that even though those feelings are all alive and well, I"m way more coherent than I was a few months ago. That's a win, especially for my friends who want to have an actual adult conversation with me not completely in la la land.
I've somehow occupied myself to the point of not having any me time for almost two weeks now, which was a welcome, half distraction. Except it was also filled with sixth senses and nightmares going off the charts. Babies, townhouses and another wedding, oh my!
I've also not accepted this whole recession thing which I suppose I better get used to. Wasn't experiencing one enough? Perhaps I should quit buying big-ticket items and stick to a cocktail or lunch.
While I wish I could be like some humans out there living their best lives, I'm simply just trying to survive. There's no thriving, nothing excessive to celebrate and not much to call home about. Though I do call often because I'm so goddamn bored.
It's strange to go from having it all, to having a shitshow to clean up, by myself of course. Some days, I wish I could laugh the same way they are laughing at me.
My CSA started and I'm having a blast trying to eat as many vegetables as I can in a week and trying new recipes though I'm still kind of over cooking. Also, Baby Bird is living in my BBQ now and will be getting evicted ASAP.
Also, if you haven't listened to the Dixie Chicks new album, Gaslighter, I highly recommend. It's 🔥.
For now, it's back to work and wine. And just trying to survive.
XO,
Lynette
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